Atheist Heaven

My apologies for my absence. Our internet connection died and went to heaven from whence it came, for surely the internet is heaven sent.

I jest.  But we've had quite a time lately discussing the Pope's recent statements. Leave it to a new Pope to say things. He's been very busy saying things. He actually gives a pep talk every day. Of course, since this is the Catholic Church we don't call them pep talks. We call them "fervorinos", which is Latin for "Sermonette".  A little sermon. A pep talk.

So the Pope got very enthusiastic about the idea that Jesus came to us with love and redemption for everyone.  He excitedly reiterated the "everyone" part saying, "even, atheists".

That led everyone to go viral with the news that the Pope said atheists will get to go to Heaven, with my internet connection device.

But the Pope did not say that atheists will go to Heaven. He said that  "Jesus has redeemed all of us." Which is true.  

It was a sermonette, though, so Pope Francis didn't clarify that, because we have free will, we have to choose redemption. You are not redeemed if you do not accept God's gift. Like any gift, if you don't sign for it when it's delivered, the UPS man takes it away. It isn't gone. It sits at the UPS store until you come and sign for it. You could always go get it. That's what the Pope meant. God's gift is waiting at the UPS store, even if you're an atheist.

There is no controversy or problem with the Pope's statement. But I do wonder why he choose to crack this particular theological egg open in this format where a further explanation is necessary.

Because this particular theology is some extra heavy lifting. It's at the heart of why the separated brethren are separated. Redemption vs. good works.  Some pundits went so far as to extrapolate that what the Pope meant was the if a atheist was a good person who did good works that that was good enough to get your Heaven ticket punched.

I have to think that the Pope was tickled to kick the hornets nest. It causes our heads to rise, our ears to open and the next thing we know we're all talking about Truth.  

I can't wait to see how he peps us up next.

Thank Heaven For Little Girls

The list of how not to name your baby grows ever longer. The newest entry for your consideration is to also consider what you have named other children and make sure the new baby's name does not rhyme with the old baby's name so you don't find yourself introducing your children someday by saying, "This is Huey and Louie, Kimmy and Timmy."

I think it deserves a place on the list.

Meanwhile this website came across my eyeballs. Not only are the name suggestions kind of hard to take (for me, because there isn't one saint in there), but the comments section made me want to remove my head and set it in my lap for a while. The names are to your right and if you click on the picture it takes you to the next pretend name. Enjoy. Or cringe.

The picture of that cuter than cute little girl in a tutu reminded me of another article I read recently that I found rather surprising and wonderful. And wonderfully surprising.

I plead guilty.  But I also agree. Although the author needs to put some clothes on.

Since I've given you a lot to digest, I'll leave you to discuss.

Also, we have a lot to discuss about what the new Pope has had to say. Maybe we'll pay him and his pronouncements a visit next week.

Rules for Naming the Baby

Our wonderful readers have expanded our "How to Name the Baby" guidelines. Besides my rules of thumb the list has grown. Now it looks like this:

1. Mary if it's a girl. John or Joseph for a boy. Or pick a good patron saint.

2.  Consider how the name will be shortened or what the kid may end up being nicknamed.

3. Avoid telling people the names you are considering. Their reactions may upset you.

4. Try to avoid this year's "name of the year".  This may involve ESP.  Or at least a google search.

5.. After you pick the name (and the middle name), check and see if that spells something silly,
embarrassing or filthy.  Lawrence Oliver Lynnly.

6. If you're having twins, and one is a girl and one is a boy, don't name them Mary and Joseph. As another rule of thumb, don't name your twins after any famous couple. Little Lucy and Desi will be a lifelong joke. I'm assuming no one would name triplets, "Larry, Moe and Shemp".

And here's a really good one I never thought of:

7. How does the name look on a resume? If you're Catholic, you don't want all those kids living at home all their (and your) lives.

Some of our readers disagreed with my feeling that your should have a couple of names in mind and wait to actually name the baby until you've actually seen the baby. You name pets after you've seen them, not before, and your child should get at least that consideration. But at least one reader pointed out that babies all tend to look like Winston Churchill.  Or angels.

Yes, it's a lot to think about. But so is having a child. Good practice for the rest of your natural life.

Re Cycled Saints

Who would be the patron saint of recycling or "up-cycling?" Also who is the patron saint of thrift stores (other than the saint my thrift store is named after?) For the record, St. Louise Thrift Store is my work place, and St. Louise is really great at interceding for us, our volunteers and customers. Sometimes too much. But thank-you, St. Louise! (I don't need any more tupperware right now.)

St. Louise, the one who went off to the crusades? There are several St. Louises.

The person who springs to mind is St. Francis of Assisi. He and his brothers just begged for everything they had and had to repair and reuse whatever they had. St. Francis began his career as a begging brother by trading clothes--the fancy clothes he was wearing at the moment--with a beggar on the road. Francis' father, who was a wealthy cloth merchant, was super aggravated with this wacky move. When Frances came home in his beggar get up, his father ordered him to remove it at once. 

Which the ever obedient Francis did. He walked off naked into the sunset. Which means he had to go beg up some other clothes.  And blankets and pots and pans and whatever else he needed at any given moment.

He probably couldn't have used some tupperware.

I would also consider St. John of God, who begged up a whole hospital, from the building itself to every mattress and bedpan.

What is the best way to choose a name/patron saint for your unborn child? I suppose there is a better way than just choosing the name you like best! Do you have any thoughts, Sister?

If the name you like best is Blotsnefad, yes, there would be a better way. Of course I have thoughts!

1. If it's a girl, Mary.  You can't do better than that.

2. If it's a boy, we like Joseph and John, but go for a great patron saint name.

3. If there's no saint with the name you like, find a new one.

4. Consider what happens to the name when it's shortened.  You might love the name Nathaniel, but everyone is going to call that kid "Nat".  That's great for Nat King Cole. But for the rest of us, it sounds like a pesky bug.  You don't want your kid to go through life with the name of a pesky bug.

I've always felt like you should have a few names in mind and then take a look at that kid before you pick one.  You don't think, "I' m going to get a dog and name it Rex!"  You get the dog and take a look at it and choose a name. Why would you do less for your kid? But that's just me.

I also advise against telling anyone any names you are considering because there will always be someone who doesn't like that name for reasons only they can fathom, but the distaste shows ever so briefly in their eyes and you will feel weird and second guess yourself and flounder into calling the kid "Blotsnefad". Keep your names to yourself. Everyone will coo over the baby no matter what horrible name you've chosen.

Of course, you won't choose a horrible name. It's a girl and you'll call her Mary.

A Couple of Tough Cookies

My sister is looking for a patron saint for a girl who is outdoorsy and athletic. I can't think of any - can you help? Thanks!

You can't think of any? 

I can't say I blame you. The list of girls who became saints is as long as everyone's arms sewn together. It would take you days to check out what every single person did. Weeks, maybe.

That's why I'm here! And I'm happy to help.

But I can't think of anyone more outdoorsy and athletic than St. Joan of Arc. To begin with, she was peasant girl.  They didn't have grocery stores and washing machines. They didn't have sewing machines or refrigerators. From dawn til duck, a peasant would be growing and making food, repair broken things, feeding animals and building fires.

So right out of the gate, St. Joan is no couch potato.

But then, she receives visions and hears the voices of saints and Michael the Archangel telling her to mount up and lead the French Army. She did that. And she fought in battles and was shot with an arrow. When she miraculously survived, she impressed the helmets off her soldiers.

I would call that athletic and outdoorsy, wouldn't you?  I'll bet she spent an enormous amount of time camping.

I read with great interest your article on Venerable Matt Talbot. At least I think he is a Venerable. I see you have him as a "Blessed" which means he did one miracle after his death. What was that miracle? He needs two to become a Saint. Nevertheless, I am looking for the official website for the Cause of the Cannonization of Ven. Matt Talbot. I have had no luck in finding such. Can anyone help?

Oops. My bad. He is indeed Venerable. No miracles for him just yet.  But yes, I think I can head you in the right direction.  Got there and type "Matt Talbot" in the search bar. From there the links will take you in circles.

But don't despair! There is an address. So you can write. You can also follow all the links. You haven't mentioned why you're trying to track it down. Do you have a Matt Talbot miracle to report?

I hope so! The last attempt was rejected by the Vatican as a miracle. I don't know what it was, so obviously, I don't know why it wasn't a miracle. 

Meanwhile here is a great rundown of everything you need to know about saint making:

http://www.usccb.org/upload/making-saints.pdf

Oh, My Aching Back

Back pain? Who is the patron saint for back pain?

St. Gemma!

We know that patron saints are people who have suffered from or dealt with the same problems we have (or thereabouts, or in a round about way).  And some saints pull double duty from not only suffering from what ails us, but from having been miraculously cured from said suffering as well.
St. Peregrine springs to mind (cancer). And the Opus Dei fellow. St. Jose Marie Escriva (diabetes).

And St. Gemma.  I'll let you head over and read her story.

Don't you think she might be a bit of a package deal? What with St. Margaret Mary and St. Gabriel being sort of pals of hers?

By the way, separated brethren who don't believe people in Heaven pay us any mind, we have lots of incidences where people from Heaven visit people on earth and pray with them or otherwise guide them. Surely you've heard of St. Joan of Arc?  She didn't just wake up one day and think, "Hey! I know! I'll head an army and save France! Right after I milk the cow!" No.  She heard the voices of St. Michael, St. Catherine and St. Margaret. Not to be confused with Margaret Mary. Joan's St. Margaret was St. Margaret of Antioch, who is the patron saint of peasants.

Poor St. Margaret was yet another beautiful girl who, after pledging herself to Our Lord, was tortured and beheaded. Legend has it she was swallowed by a dragon. That's the dragon there in her picture, munching on part of her dress, as far as I can tell. What actually happened was that Satan tempted her and showed up in the form of a dragon.

And then snacked on her dress.

And of course, should you be swallowed by a dragon, you'll know which patron saint to call upon.

The Saints Come Marching In

Helloooo out there! I'm a little surprised we have had no comments on your stellar work praying. Perhaps you are all busy forming prayer circles. One can only hope.

Meanwhile, my minister friend invited me to visit her congregation. She was doing her own prayer circle about "Christian Oneness" and asked me to speak. Before I gave my little tour of Catholicism she asked me, in front of the congregation, what we could all do to achieve Christian oneness. "Convert to Catholicism. That would take care of it, " I said.

They may have bristled.

My little speech went well, though, and I introduced them to the concept of patron saints. Anyone who has read the blog for two seconds knows that I have a steady argument with the separated brethren about intercessory prayer. I started with the idea that asking someone in Heaven to pray for you is no different than asking someone on earth to pray for you and surely, your loved ones in Heaven still care for you.

I also told them that their dear loved ones are not angels in Heaven, although if they are in Heaven they are saints. But I digress.

It's seemed to get their attention, because I don't think anyone really wants to believe that someone who they loved dearly and who loved them has gone on their merry way in Heaven, never to give us on this mortal coil a second thought. What, are they busy playing canasta?

I also used our wonderful reader's suggestion  of asking them to pray with us.

Talk about oneness!

In any case, it opened a dialogue about patron saints and the next thing I knew we were on a patron saint matching extravaganza. But that wasn't the best part.

The best part was that I had brought a big pile of the holy cards we send out with our medals from the shop (sans medals). Each card has the story of the saint (written by me) on the back. My minister friend explained that I had a holy card for everyone as a "parting gift".

I don't think anyone ever had such a long wait to get out of church in their lives. Each and every person leaving the chapel that day stopped and poured through my pile of cards (each in a lovely cellophane sleeve) to find the perfect saint for them. I had brought with me the patron saints for dog and cat lovers, bad boys, bad marriages, happy marriages, insanity, procrastination, back pain, couch potatoes...the one thing stupidly hadn't thought of, finances and jobs. Doh!

They were very excited to find just the right saint for them.  I had enough that some people took two or three or four, some to give away. I know they left happy.

I certainly did.

When I was a little girl going to Catholic school, the old nuns always told us that it was okay for us to go to a non Catholic Church, should we be invited, but we were not to pray in there because, "God isn't there."  I always found that especially confusing as they vehemently told us that "God is everywhere".  I guess what they were trying to get across was the idea that either God doesn't want us in other churches or that He turns a deaf ear to non-Catholic prayer.

Or something.  Whatever they were getting at didn't seem very well thought out, even to a child. At least, to this child.

I pleased to have brought the saints to bear. Perhaps it's the first step of many.

Although, at one point I had to explain Transubstantiation to them. They really weren't buying it.